This story begins with one very stressful morning in which my dogs got loose. This was before we had the money to put a new fence up so we tethered them in the backyard (before anyone yells at me, we did follow all the rules/laws my area has for tethering and they were more than fine). This unfortunately not the first time they'd gotten out (damn escape artists), but this was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.
I wasn't even awake yet when it happened so I woke up to hearing that the dogs had gotten loose. As I am getting ready to go capture them (grabbing leashes, treats, etc.), animal control is knocking on the front door. This particular neighbor called them claiming that my dogs were acting vicious and trying to attack him. Upon hearing this, my mom and I resist the urge to burst into a fit of laughter because these two idiots are the furthest thing from vicious unless you're a snake, opossum, or just a small creature in general.
These two loved people. All they wanted were pets, belly rubs, and someone to play with. Like someone could walk into my house and be beating the shit out me, and as long as they got some pets they genuinely could not care less.
But whatever. We go on our way to go collect the two dumbasses. And we very quickly find them.
At asshole neighbors house.
They were standing right in front of him, wagging their stupid tails, looking up at him very excitedly because he is waving a stick around. It was a stick he was threatening to hit them with mind you, but they didn't process that. They thought he was playing with them so they were excited.
We pull up and instead of trying to help us get the dogs, he proceeds to start screaming at my mother and I while having a whole ass meltdown over two dogs trying to play with him. My mom and I decided to pay him absolutely no mind and focus on getting the dogs who have now spotted us and are trotting down the road because they know they're in trouble. So, as this asshole keeps acting worse than a toddler, my mother and I continue on to get the dogs.
Within five minutes we had them back at the house. They were sopping wet because they went for a swim in the lake, but whatever.
The animal control guy met them, all happy and with their floppy tongues out, and immediately didn't care anymore because he could see that they were harmless fluff balls with a quarter of a brain cell to share between the two of them. So, he went on his way.
This is only the beginning of this story. This is literally just the introduction/backstory of all the bullshit I had to put up with because this is what put me on his radar.
So, after this incident I decided that I didn't want to take anymore chances with these two numbskulls so I started walking them three times a day, everyday. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once in the evening. Then I would usually walk them around the yard one last time before bed.
It wasn't a big deal. I'd do anything for any of my animals as long as they're safe and happy.
The only downside to this was that I had to walk past ass-hat's house every. Single. Day.
There was no avoiding it. My neighborhood is relatively small and I wasn't going to take them anywhere else (mainly cause I can't drive but that's a discussion for another time).
But whatever. I put my big girl pants on, leashed up my dogs, grabbed my headphones, and enjoyed those 3 walks a day.
For the most part, they were fine. I just bopped along to my music, sometimes singing out loud cause I can't help myself, and just enjoyed being able to vibe out for 20-ish minutes before having to get back to writing. But there were plenty of days, and sometimes multiple times a day, where I was harassed by this horrible man old enough to be my grandfather.
Side note, at this point I'm like maybe 20? 19? 20? Somewhere in there. Point is, I am a young female, walking her dogs by herself. So keep those tidbits in mind as we continue.
Now, things started out I guess relatively harmless. It all made me extremely uncomfortable and made me very, very anxious but I suppose it certainly could've been worse.
But at first it started with him just glaring at me and staring me down as I walked past if he was outside. Only if he was already outside and in his front yard doing something. It was obvious enough for me to take note of it and it made me uncomfortable, but I did my best to brush it off and not worry about it. I just focused on my music and my dogs and kept walking.
Then it kind of escalated. It soon became that if he was outside in general he would come stare me down. Like more than once he'd come out from his backyard and into his front yard where he would stand in his driveway, and stand there watching me. It was like he was trying to intimidate me and it made me very uncomfortable and put me on edge. This is when I started telling my parents and my sister about it.
Quickly, this became my new normal. Every time I approached his house I immediately felt panicky as I threw my guard up and kept my eyes peeled for him. I hated it more than anything because it wasn't like I was doing anything to provoke him. All I was doing was walking my dogs so there was less of a chance of the dogs getting out again and me having to deal with him sending animal control to my front door. I was simply being a responsibly dog owner. That's all.
As this goes on my parents started telling me to take pictures and videos of him doing it because they could tell how bad it was getting. At one point, my mother even started offering to walk with me everyday when she could so that way I wouldn't be alone. I always turned her down, though it would've been quite entertaining to see her go momma bear mode on this jackass. Looking back, I'm a little disappointed in myself that I didn't take her up on the offer purely for that reason.
Now, I never took any pictures or videos. Not because I didn't want to but because I was walking two dogs. Between the two of them I had about 80 extra pounds attached to me so it wasn't easy to stop, pull out my phone, and take a decent picture of video. Also, I didn't want to stand around him or be near him any longer than I had to be. All I wanted was to walk my dogs and go home so I could continue writing or doing whatever needed to be done that day.
This goes on for a while until it all comes to a head one weird morning.
Picture it.
It's roughly 9 in the morning. The entire neighborhood is silent. The early risers have already left and the late sleepers haven't started moving around just yet. No cars are coming and going. The ground is damp and the grass is coated in morning dew.
I stop in front of ass-hat's house because one of my dogs has decide to take a lovely shit on this tiny maybe 2-3 inch strip of grass in front his mailbox. By the time I noticed it was happening, because I am keeping an eye on two dogs, it was too late to pull him away so, whatever. I always clean up after my dogs anyway because I'm not an asshole. To this day I always make sure to have more than enough poop bags on me no matter what. In fact, as soon as I notice he's popping, I go ahead and pull one out so it's in my hand, ready to go so I pick up my dogs lovely steaming hot turds as soon as he's done doing his business.
However, out resident man-baby is already outside and has spotted what's going on.
There in the driveway stands this psychotic old man with a hose in his hand as he waters his already wet grass. And he is staring at my dogs and I as though my dog were shitting on his favorite pair of one-of-a-kind expensive shoes.
As my dog is already shitting, he begins spraying my dogs and I with the water hose. At first, he says nothing as he tries to spray my dog directly in his asshole as if that will stop anything. Then, after a second, this man who is probably old enough to be my grandfather because to lose his ever loving mind.
He starts yelling at me at the top of his lungs about how I need to stop my dog from pooping and having a whole fit because my dog is pooping on the very edge of his yard.
Look, I am not an unreasonable person. I understand that for whatever fucking reason some people are very protective of their grass and do not like dogs pooping or peeing on it. While I do not understand why they are so passionate about it, I get that some people are just like that. And had this man been an adult and simply communicated that to me then I would've been like 'cool, I'll remember that and this won't happen again'. It overall wouldn't have been a big deal and we could've both quickly and easily moved on with our lives.
But, this balding toddler could not do that because god forbid he just use his big boy words.
Instead, he decided that the best way to handle this whole thing was to yell at me all while spray water at my dogs and I.
So I very eloquently yell back at this man and call him a crotchety old bastard while telling him to stop throwing a fucking temper tantrum. He yells some other bullshit at me that I didn't really hear because at this point I am seething.
Remember, it is NINE IN THE MORNING!
At this point I have been awake for maybe 20 minutes and have had zero caffeine.
So, as my dog finishes his morning poo, I continue to yell back at this man and curse him out as he tries to yells over me.
When my dog is finished, I look at the man still throwing a fit and say 'would you like me to leave this here?'.
He snaps back with a no.
So I tell him to shut the fuck up then and stop throwing a tantrum.
And fortunately for him, he does.
So I decide to be the nice person and pick up my dogs poop (like I was going to do anyway, though at this point I was considering just leaving it there out of spite). Then I continued on my way with his eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull.
Obviously I go home and tell my mom all about what happened. Later on I tell my dad.
They both immediately want to call the police because this has now been going on for way too long and now he's becoming more aggressive. But me being the anxious bean that I am tell them to let it go and that it's fine.
Not too long after this we got a fence put up and I stopped walking the dogs. We just stuck to playing in the backyard and enjoyed being able to get all the zoomies.
Fast forward to today.
I've only run into ass-hat a few times and he pretty much ignores me now which I am more than alright with. I'm sure he just realized that I'm not some helpless little girl who will take his shit so it wasn't fun to harass me anymore that or maybe I scared him a little. OR maybe his wife gave him a talking to because she was always nice to me on the few times I did see her.
But there it is. The time I almost had to call the cops on my neighbor.
If you have any crazy neighbor stories, let me know cause I'd love to hear 'em. I've got a few more I'll probably share in due time.
Comments